


Of Snarkyness And Sarcasm

by Alairia_Young



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ......I need a life, Additional Tags to Be Added, F/M, Fem!Harry, Female Harry, Female Harry Potter, Girl!Harry Potte, I'm sorry world, Sassy!Harry, This is the result of my boredom, fem!Harry Potter - Freeform, girl!Harry, snarry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-11-02 09:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10941813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alairia_Young/pseuds/Alairia_Young
Summary: A Snarry story Featuring A snarky Snape and a sarcastic Hyacinth (fem!harry)





	1. Of Keys and Cupboards

**Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter does. Wait a minute...**

~ _dream~_

_  
"Kill the spare," a high, cold, cruel voice that has haunted Hyacinth since her parents' death hisses. _

_  
A million thoughts fly through Hyacinth's mind. _

_  
Nononono. _

_  
Please no. Not again. _

_  
~~"Please. Please don't kill her!"~~ _

_  
"Avada Kedavra!" a second, slightly whimpering, voice says. _

_  
~~"Please I'll do anything!"~~ _

_  
A bright jet of dark green light headed their way. _

_  
~~"Step aside girl."~~ _

_  
It flies past her and zooms toward Cedric. _

_  
~~"No! Take me. Take me instead!"~~ _

_  
His expression that had been full of confusion turns into one of dawning horror as the spell hits him square in the chest. _

_  
~dream~ _

  
...

  
It’s around midnight when they come to spring me from the prison of Privet Drive. Since I got Hermione’s letter, I’ve been waiting up every night, sitting by the windowsill in the bedroom that still doesn’t really belong to me. Of course, it would have been blatantly obvious who they were and why they were here even without the advanced warning considering how they’re dressed. Robes, honestly?

  
There’s an outraged yell from downstairs, and I brought out of my musings. The source is almost certainly Uncle Vernon. It’s honestly a bit surprising they got into the house without Aunt Petunia shrieking fit to bring the whole neighborhood down. More than once I’ve wished that, instead of killing Cedric, or my parents, or Siri, ol’ Moldie and his Death Munchers could’ve moved themselves to be useful for a change and offed the dear Dursleys instead.

  
Speaking of Death Snackers . . .

  
"-tter . . ." comes a faint call.

  
"Miss Potter!"

  
"MISS POTTER!" The oh-so-dulcet tones of Severus Snape reach me. I glance away from the window to find him standing in the doorway wearing an expression kindly described as agitated. I didn’t realize I’d left it open. Or how quietly he can move.

  
"Sir." I reply curtly.

  
He raises an eyebrow, glaring at me in suspicion. Does he think I was mocking him? While it is perfectly true that I’ve never voluntarily called him sir, I reserve the right to be inconsistent. Besides, there was nothing mocking in my tone. I mean, sure, it was out of character, but I’m sleep deprived! Surely I’m entitled.

  
“Might I kindly suggest that you get a move on, Miss Potter? I’d prefer us to be on our way before I have to stun your uncle again,” he sneers. I refrain from rolling my eyes; I understand this is probably near the top of his top ten list of places he’d rather not be (I mean, same here), but does he have to be such a dick about it? Silly me, what was I thinking? It’s Severus Snape; of course he does.

  
Snape glares at me as if he knows precisely what I’m thinking. Course, he probably does. Git.

  
I ignore him as I walk past him, down the stairs, and to the cupboard under them. Wasn’t expecting that, was he? I know what he thinks of me. 'Little Princess Potter. A stuck up brat who’s never faced the harshness of the world.' Yeah, right.

  
Now, where are those keys? I check under the mat – no. On the rack – no. Where the hell are they?!

  
There’s an annoyed sigh behind me as I frantically search for the keys hidden by my darling only living relatives. ("Petunia! Hide the trunk! We wouldn't want the freak to hurt our Diddykins, now would we?")

  
I can practically here him rolling his eyes. "Accio cupboard keys!"

  
I turn with a frown to see the keys zooming toward us from the direction of the kitchen. Huh.

  
"Thanks, Snape," I mutter as I take the keys now dangling from his index finger. He raises an eyebrow, his expression sardonic. I blush, simultaneously embarrassed and irritated, feeling more chastised than if he’d actually told me off for wasting his time.

  
I turn my attention to the cupboard. Okay. Deep breath. It will be the first time you will see the letters Siri gave you before he died, but you will not cry. You can’t. You can’t afford to break down. Never mind in front of Snape. Never that. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Oh, you’re doing so well!

  
Eventually, I find the right key. It feels like millennia before I even manage to get the cupboard open, but somehow I do. I manage to pull the trunk and the letters out before I’m momentarily lost in memory.

_  
~flashback~ _

_  
"Come on you can do better than that!" Sirius bellows from behind me. _

_  
I turn around just in time to see BellaBitch throw an orange curse at him. His eyes connecting with hers as he is pushed back, near the Veil. His once handsome face so full of jubilation turning to dawning horror, his body arching, turning, falling, into the veil. _

_  
Nonononono. _

_  
This was not supposed to happen. _

_  
He was supposed to get her away from the Durselys. _

_  
"SIRIUS!" _

_  
~flashback~ _

  
It is with blurry eyes that I stand up and walk into the living room.

... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: A million thanks to my beta, delizabethl22, and a mountain of virtual cupcakes to outerspacekat, ArwenScamander, LoverOfMine, red2013, Kaze2014, plus the 7 guests who left kudos on this!
> 
> Anyways, the 2nd chapter should be coming out by next week. After that, the updates might be a bit slower, or faster, depending on how busy I am...
> 
> If any of you have anything you want to see in this story, don't be afraid to comment!
> 
> Signing out,  
> Alairia_Young


	2. Of Stunners and

...

  
My aunt is glaring at me, her pursed lips giving her a pinched look. Until she opens her mouth, that is. “GET THESE – THESE FREAKS OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I know she hasn’t got a drop of magical blood in her, but sometimes I could swear she’s related to a banshee. I used to think perhaps the long neck and horse-ish face was an unfortunate side effect of being related to giraffes. I’d like her better if she was; giraffes don’t talk, let alone screech.

  
Tonks, her hair the color of candy-floss, rolls her eyes; I know the feeling. She does what I’ve long wished too, and Stuns dear old Aunt Petunia. The red beam of light hits her in the stomach, and she falls into a graceless heap next to her beloved walrus of a husband. I hope it hurt as I gaze dispassionately at the pair of them.

  
They deserve so much worse, but there’s no time. And even if there was, I’m not sure they would be worth the bother. There’s a strange warmth spreading through my chest, like tea on a cold day; I realize it’s gratitude, to Snape of all people, for dispatching my uncle. I squash down the fear that they’ll wake up at any moment as I drag my trunk in behind me. I just want to leave. Please, Merlin, let me leave.

  
Snape turns as I drag my trunk across the sitting room threshold. I wonder what he’s got to carp on about now?

'I guess Snape was right. They did have to stun him.' I think as I drag my bulky trunk near the door.

  
“Perhaps, Miss Potter, you would like a moment to say your heartfelt goodbyes,” Snape suggests sarcastically. Never mind that the three of them are unconscious, and they’ve, I assume, been quite horrid, considering the Order has sunk to Stunning relatively defenseless muggles. Saying that would just be a waste of time and breath. I just want to get to the Burrow, where I’m safe and liked.

  
“I think I’ll pass,” I mutter, looking up from their prone bodies to shoot him a stony glare. Can’t you see, you great, bloody git, that I’m dying to get away from this place? This one time you don’t bother to read my mind, I almost, very nearly wish you . . . I can’t believe I just wished Snape inside my head . . . again.

  
Snape quirks an eyebrow. “As you like. Auror Tonks!”

  
“Er, yes, sir?”

"Tell Kingsley to get the portkeys ready. I'll be there in about thirty minutes."

  
She narrows her eyes at him, clearly wondering, like me, what he’s up to now.

  
“I suppose . . .” she says finally, grudgingly. As if she’s doing something morally reprehensible, but is afraid to say no. One of the indisputable laws of physics: former students of Severus Snape are at least intimidated and more likely terrified of him, and rightly so. She leaves after a few moments of standing there awkwardly. I hear her trip over a coatrack on her way out.  
“Miss Potter.” He exhales, and for him it seems tantamount to a heavy sigh, and bites out, “Take . . . my arm.” He holds it out, bearing an expression of distaste.

I peer at it, wondering if it’s a trick of the light. Well, probably not. But he could still be an imposter. And I’m not terribly inclined to touch him even if he’s not.

  
He raises an eyebrow, his eyes glittering with irritation. “Miss Potter, we do not have all night,” he reminds me, his enunciation crisp and exact. After another moment, in which I continue to glare at his arm instead of taking it, he grabs my arm and Disapparates anyway.

  
Everything goes black, and I have the distinct and distinctly unpleasant sensation of being sucked through a tube. My eyeballs are pushed back into my sockets, my eardrums pressed back into my head. I feel even the urge to throw up pressed back down my throat. I can’t breathe.

  
And then suddenly, my feet reconnect with solid ground. My knees buckle and I fall towards Snape, who lets go of my arm like it’s on fire and steps away from me. I glare at him once I’ve regained my balance. He starts walking, not even bothering to glance back to check if I’m following. Why on Earth did Dumbledore send him?

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: whew! That chapter was a hard one to wright.... Anywho, thanks to everyone who left kudos and/or bookmarked this story. Also, billion that's to my beta dezlizabethl22!!!
> 
> Signing out,  
> Alairia Young
> 
> (P.S. I'll most likely update every month)


	4. Interlude: Of Newborns and Hopsitals

...

Petunia's first memory was at the age of 1, almost 2. Most people would later say that she'd made it all up "because most people couldn't remember anything until 2 or 3". They would say that it was all her imagination. If only it had been.

She had been in the waiting room for almost 2 hours now, or so her father had told her. He had somehow convinced (read: bribed) the toddler to stay put after the few times she'd wandered away through the door at the end of the room. She was getting tired of waiting and waiting/in a light blue room that consisted of nothing but a bunch of chairs and smelled like dettol to the point where it hurt her nose, but Petunia wasn't about to complain, she was becoming an older sister, damn it! 

Awhile later, a dull brown door near the end of the mahogany tiled room, opened. A blonde lady in a white dress, nurse cap, and Mary Janes (a nurse's standard attire) stepped out holding a clip board. "You can come in now, Mr. Evans." She said in a soothing voice, "Follow me." 

... 

Petunia, after going through a bunch of hallways, stepped into the white room that her mum was in. Her mum was wearing a blue hospital gown and holding a tiny little yellow bundle looking tired, but content. "Come look at your new sibling, Petunia." her mum said, smiling, from her place on the hospital bed. Petunia slowly inched closer to her and her little . . . brother? Sister? Her parents hadn't really told her. They said they 'wanted it to be a surprise' or something like that. She really hoped it was a sister so she could play dolls with her and braid her hair. 

As she curiously made her way over, she saw a tuft of reddish-brown hair peaking out of the bundle. What color did her parents tell her it was? Ginger? No, that was people who have red hair, the baby's hair was a bit browner. Hepburn? No, that was that pretty lady on the telly. Auburn? Yeah, auburn. The baby's hair was auburn like her auntie Fern's. When she finally came over (she had just learned to walk) she noticed the baby (BAH! She STILL didn't know the gender) had blue eyes, just like hers, but a tad darker. "So what do you want to name her?" Mr. Evans asked, bringing Petunia out of her musings. So she had a new sister! 

"I thought you were going to decide?" her mum said, brows furrowed.

"Ahhhhh . . ." he scratched his head, "Well, why don't we decide now?" Mr. Evans suggested nervously, fearing his beloved wife's wrath. He had forgotten, it seemed, with the Mau Mau Uprising finally being over and all that. 

"Well, it has to be a flower name with your family tradition." Mrs. Evans said with distaste. Her mother really didn't know why people would have such a tradition, there were only a handful or so flower names that could be fitting for a child, and even then, most were overused. Such as Marigold, she had a grandma, an aunt, AND a cousin who had that name. She wasn't one to do that to her children, or so she had said. Petunia's mother had actually ranted to her about that a few weeks ago... "How about . . .Violet?" Mr. Evans suggested. 

"No! I know it was your grandmother's name, dear, but you know I'm allergic to violets"

"Oh, right, right, I forgot . . . hmm . . ." 

... 

Petunia was getting bored . . . again. It was the third time today. Her parents had been thinking up flower names for the past ten minutes! At this point she just wanted to ask a nurse and let it be over with! Wait, that didn't sound like a bad idea after all.

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry for taking this long to post another chapter! I hope that doesn't happen again. Plus, summer break is over and it's quite .... hectic. Also, for all those who are wondering, the reason Lily's eyes are blue instead of green is because it takes awhile for the real pigment of a baby's eyes to set. If you have any suggestions don't hesitate to comment!
> 
> Signing out,  
> Alairia Young

**Author's Note:**

> AN: wow. These things are surprisingly hard to write. Aaaand I'm a lazy person. It too much work to fix. And if u didn't know, *whispers* this is my first fic.
> 
> And is it just me or did the tone drastically change from the beggenning to the end? Oh well.
> 
> Oh, and, I DONT HAVE A BETA!!!!! TELL ME IF U WANT TO BE MY BETA!!!! COME ONE COME ALL TO THE BETA JOB!!! FREE BETA OPPORTUNITIES!!!
> 
> Sry for the short chapter! I'll try to make the next one longer (fingers crossed!)
> 
> Edited as of ......wait, what day is it again? Ummm~ a day after I wrote it, I think.
> 
> Sighing out,
> 
> Alairia Young


End file.
